Saturday, January 22, 2011

End of the Beginning

After a day of crying off an on, talking to family and receiving lots of love from friends I am ready to write down what happened yesterday leading up to my very sad miscarriage.

Yesterday I reached 6 weeks in pregnancy. I had to be up really early to get to my poli sci class I am taking so I did not get a chance to take a belly pic, but I did weight and measure. After a week of lots of throwing up I was not surprised to see my weight drop over 3 pounds, but I was kinda shocked that my waist measurement went up a whole inch! I even measured three times to make sure haha!

I had a particularly rough day in the nausea and vomiting department and was feeling pretty crappy. Thank goodness, my God sons are very good for me and let me rest a good portion of the afternoon. After a particularly violent episode of vomiting all I wanted to do was sit and rest, so I watched some TV and just kinda vegged out. Aaron had already gone to bed when I finally decided to drag myself off my warm comfy spot on the couch to join him. I felt the same as I have every night for the last 2+ weeks... tired and and bit sick to my stomach. I didn't much feel like I had to use the restroom but thought I should so I wouldn't have to get up in a couple hours. This is when I saw the blood and started screaming and crying. Aaron woke up and came running. He saw what was going on and frantically asked if I needed to go the ER. After a couple calls (to my mom, his mom and Kaiser Labor & Delivery) it was decided that I definitly needed to go in.

We made the drive in the fog through lots of tears, mostly mine. I was trying to hold out hope that it could be due to implant of the placenta or placenta previa but I knew the odds were against anything other than miscarriage. By the end of three hours in the ER it was confirmed that my blood levels of pregnancy hormone had dropped and I had lost the baby. We didn't cry... just kinda sat there quietly shocked that not even 10 hours previously I had been violently throwing up and discussing with friends how this is a good sign for the viability of the pregnancy. Nothing even hinted that this was going to happen, which I suppose is a good thing. I am thankful for every day of the two weeks since finding out I was pregnant. Did I enjoy throwing up multiple times a day... absolutely not! But was I happy to be pregnant and willing to endure vomiting for the reward we hoped would come? Absolutely!

Aaron and I are sad, of course. I'm Sad, disappointed, and left wondering if there was anything I could have done differently. Ultimately I know this is not the end of our story. We were able to defy the odds and achieve pregnancy without intervention when the doctors said it could never happen. I believe it can and will happen again and that God will bring us the child we are waiting for. This will happen for us... I just know it!

Thank you everyone for all the love and support you continue to pour on Aaron and me. We can definitly feel the "peace the surpasses all understanding" which can only come from our loving Father. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on this journey to parenthood.


  1. you are very strong and I am proud of you. Keep your head up and we will always keep prayin. we luv u

  2. Honey...this was really good...and well written. And I definitely feel the same way...that having a child WILL happen. God has done many things in your body and health and you DID get pregnant. I know you are extremely sad and have pain, but you also acknowledge God's work. The Lord will provide the healing during this time....and is still guiding your journey to parenthood. I love you...and will see you tomorrow.

  3. I believe you will have a child. I know a couple who suffered multiple miscarriages but they prayed and prayed and now have 3 children. I have faith that the Lord will give you your child. I will be praying for you.

  4. I am sorry, Robin. Praying that God brings you comfort.

  5. Robin, I have been there and know your are strugging. I had a misscarriage and the next month was pregnant with my son. That pg lasted and was great. GL and I am praying for you both~

  6. God Bless you dear and may He bless your home with children in Jesus name!