Wednesday, April 28, 2010

While I was walking outside during my lunch break today, I was reminded of some song lyrics I wrote two years ago. When I wrote this I was in the midst of not only infertility but a devastating diagnosis of complex endometrial hyperplasia. Despite everything I had been through and everything I was going to be facing I was still reminded of how faithful God had been to walk down the path with me. I needed this reminder today so much. Thank you God for placing this song in my heart once again.


The moment I knew he was growing inside
I became a mother in my heart
Then without notice I was crushed with a blow
That left me stumbling and broken

My life was a fog
So heavy, so empty
That’s when I decided to die…

Praise God, You’re in control!

You said,

“I’m not through with you yet
It’s not your time to go!
This is one piece of your life
The whole puzzle I know!
Trust me my child,
It’s a beautiful scene
Just keep walking the path
You will get to your dream”

My arms are still empty
But my heart is full
Of Your strength to endure the pain
Your light fills the darkness so now I can see
Each day brings me closer to the dream you gave me

Thank you for saying,

“I’m not through with you yet
It’s not your time to go
This is one piece of your life
The whole puzzle I know!
Trust me my child,
It’s a beautiful scene
Just keep walking the path
You will get to your dream”

Monday, April 26, 2010

Week Two

Today marks week two of my new way of living and eating and I Am proud to report I have lost 20.2 lbs!! My official starting weight was 313.6 and I am now 293.4!!

Here's the pics

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I'm a MOM!

... a God-Mom, that is.

Today Carlton and William were baptised at my church, so they are now officially my God Children! yay! Everything went really well. William was as feisty as ever and Carlton just went with the flow. They both got their candles to light each year on the anniversary of their baptism and Carlton LOVED his candle. He played with that candle the whole service even refusing to give it up for Thomas the Train! HAHAHA That's unheard of, if you know what I mean!

Lunch was really great- everyone came over for the feast I prepared and seemed to really enjoy it. I think I did ok on what I ate as well. I had a couple bites of beans a few chips (5-7 chips) with salsa, one small serving of each casserole, and of course I had to have some of the strawberry pizza as well. Wow, now that I write it down it seems like a LOT, but it really was not much so I think I am ok.

Let me tell you a bit about my Carlton. One day near the end of November 2008 a new child started in my classroom. Carlton was the cutest darn thing EVER, but, poor little guy, he was so frightened being away from everything familiar to him. So, I took him under my wing and became his one-on-one caregiver until he became more comfortable with the other children and teachers in the room. Let me tell you... this was NOT a short process. This little one needed me to be right next to him every moment of the day for a good 2 months before he felt comfortable enough to move away from my side. The other teachers in the room joked about him being my 'adopted son' since he and I clearly had a deep bond. Let me tell you... I truly love this boy like he is my own baby. He was born a month after the due date of the first baby I carried and lost, Jonah Dominick. Deep in my heart I believe God sent Carlton to me. When I hug him, kiss him, hold him and tell him I love him it is like I am also hugging, kissing, holding and telling my own Jonah how much I love him as well. I am so proud to now officially be his momma in Christ. I will never take it for granted.

Carlton, William, Anne and Carl... I love you all so much and am honored to be a part of your life. May the bond we all share continue to grow as we continue down the path God has laid before us. Thank you for inviting Aaron and I into your life and future.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Cooking, Cleaning and Gardening... Oh, My!

Tomorrow my God-sons to-be are being baptized and then everyone is coming to our house for a big lunch and party. So, I spent the whole day cooking and cleaning. Oh, and doing yard work! haha Man, i never knew it would be so hard not to snack on what I am cooking! ugh! I am making a red (beef) enchilada casserole, green (chicken) enchilada casserole, deep fried our own chips, strawberry pizza, refried bean, Spanish rice, nachos, etc. So, ya.... REALLY healthy- NOT! I am going to just take some small portions tomorrow bc I still want to celebrate with everyone but I will have to be really careful not to overdo it. Especially since I Will be chatting away and eating. Pray for me- HAHAHA

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The [new] Journey Begins

After the latest failed attempt to induce ovulation with injectable medications I was left with only one option from my fertility specialist: LOSE WEIGHT. Dr. V suggested Bariatric Surgery and even said I should try to get on the Biggest Loser. Since my Dear Husband, Aaron, doesn't want to be a part from me for a long time (awwww...) I have been pursuing bariatric surgery. I am lined up to see the surgeon in a couple weeks, but at the same time I am working my butt off to see what I can do on my own.

So, here I am trying ONCE AGAIN to lose the weight, ugh! It's the struggle of my LIFE to lose weight, which I am sure some of you can relate to.

Here's the long and short of it... Growing up I was always VERY active in sports all year 'round. Even so, I was also always on the larger side and definitely felt like the 'fat girl' even though looking back at photos I have no idea what I Was thinking. My senior year in HS I hurt my knee in basketball and am unable to run and/or play active sports anymore since then I have gained and gained and gained until I got to....

313.6 LB

After trying many diets, exercise programs This is where I Stand. I can generally lose 25 lb pretty easily and then I get stuck and ultimately give up. THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT! Either I will be able to stick to it on my own and lose a LOT of weight or I will be having bariatric surgery.

I really DON'T want to have surgery, but if it is what I have to do, I will do it. I am DONE being unhealthy. I am DONE taking handfuls of pills to control medical issues that could be resolved if I lost a significant amount of weight. I am DONE struggling to get pregnant due to anovulation partly because of the excess weight I carry. I am just DONE.

So, here I am....

Starting Weight: 313.6 4/11/2010
Current Weight: 298.0 4/21/2010

And here is what I am doing.... It is the pre-op diet for Kaiser's bariatric program

1200 calories, high in protein lower in carbs.
I am to eat my protein first then move to fruits/veggies and last carbs.
I am to eat slowly, one bite a minute chew each bite 30 times
I completely gave up soda, caffeine, and carbonation
I am drinking water, decaf tea, flavored water, lemonade etc. but not WITH my meal.
I am walking after dinner with my husband and dogs and I have a couple work out videos my mom let me borrow (pilates and yoga)