Moving On...

This week has been up and down with emotions. Most of the day I am ok... I am lucky to get to spend so much time with my God sons who I adore. It's when I get home to Aaron in the evening that grief hits me once again. So, Aaron has had to deal with me in this. For the most part he has been pretty patient and understanding when I get emotional. I think he worries about my mental health, as I am sure a lot of you do. But, I want to reassure him and all of you that I will NEVER ever hurt myself again.

On Monday I went to my ultrasound appointment as scheduled so the doctor could make sure the miscarriage was completed. Other than the nurse greeting me with a "congratulations!" when calling me in, the appointment went well. I guess she didn't take the time to look at my chart and realize I had lost the pregnancy, I'm sure she felt like crap after that... I know I did! Everything looked good in the ultrasound... the miscarriage was complete, my lining was thin (which is always a good thing to see with my history of endometrial hyperplasia) and my ovaries did not have any cysts. We talked briefly about some blood work I wanted done and scheduled an appointment with the head of the department (this appointment was actually with a nurse practitioner.) One thing she said that I really appreciated was that the "proof was in the pregnancy" in regards to Aaron's sperm counts and the connection to SSRIs being a cause of male infertility. It was nice to hear this after the many appointments at Kaiser's Center for Reproductive Health where the subject of donor sperm and IVF seemed to be the only options they would present to us. I left the appointment feeling like there is hope we will figure out a plan to keep this from happening again.

On Friday I went and got a whole bunch of blood work done to check for clotting disorders, thyroid, STDs etc- all things that can cause multiple miscarriages. My thyroid has always been considered normal but over the optimal range for TTC. I plan to ask to be treated for this when I see the RE on Thursday. I also want to use clomid to get a stronger ovulation and healthier copus luteum. The corpus luteum is what produces progesterone and sustains a pregnancy until the placenta attaches and takes over. So it is essential to have a strong ovulation and healthy corpus luteum. My ovulation is so crappy on it's own and I believe this could be part of the problem. I am also going to talk to the RE about possible immunology issues. I am scared of the cost of blood work for that though... yikes. The blood work from Friday was $130. Aaron will be doing another semen analysis on Monday which costs $30. The office appointment next week is $35 and the ER visit from the other night was $50. That's a lot of money when you don't have any. *sigh* Just means some bills won't get paid but what can we do???

I just want to say thank you again to everyone for your kind words of support and for all the prayers. I even recieved some beautiful flowers from my cousin that make me smile every time I see them, so thank you Christina. I will continue to update after we get blood results and talk to the doctor.